The Lamb and The Tiger

I was a Lamb with an Eternal Flame,
I was dumb, I was lame,
Was running along, was insane,
Then it struck me hard with Pain,

This lamb, no soup, no curry,
In life never had to hurry,
Kept it calm and let it bury,
No debt of pain no chance of recree,

The flame burnt with flare,
Even when against the wind,
It had the gut to give an arrogant stare,
Still in arrogance, but shall bear.

No more a lamb, as it might seem,
It is a tiger inside the spleen,
Breathing steady and pounding clean,
Not to the sinners but the Sins obscene.

The tiger see and pounce on the Lamb,
The subsistence mistaken,
The humility misconstrued,
The tiny tiger was indeed being rude,
The Lamb stable and Calm
As a Herculean prelude,

Not a matter of might or power upright,
Its the flesh in the attitude that shall fight,
Blood shall be the thoughts and sight,
Lamb shall know if this is Right.

~ Lutarai

As It Seems Today

I held it all along,
I led the way,
I walked right beside,
I looked straight in eyes,

I took your hand,
Perspiring, ever did i know,
Was I so sure,
Was I so pure,

Did I justify,
Do I need to,
They see it,
So do I,
They Know it,
So do I,
They endear it,
So do I,
They want it,
So do I,

So where does it end??

~ Lutarai

Woh Raat Jo Chaand Ke Saath Guzaari Thi.

Woh raat jo chaand ke saath guzaari thi,
Mere kai dino se bhi ujiyaari thi,
Chaand ke ujale, komal badan par,
Os ki har sheetal boond humari thi,
Woh raat jo chaand ke saath guzaari thi ||


Apne pehlu mein dekh chaand,
Shayad main bhi itraaya tha,
aagngan ki baavri mein hue pratibimb ko,
Apna maan, main man hi man muskaya tha,
haan..., Main bhi itraaya tha ||


Chaand ho bhi gar mere saath, Nahi bhoolti ek baat ,
Hai mere saath magar Chaand raat ki saheli hai,
Ho Kitna bhi kareeb mere par mere liye paheli hai ||


Us raat hatheli par doodhiya raushni ki bahuyaari thi,
Chamakte taaron mein ek haseen Guzaarish ki tayiyaari thi,
Par Band hatheli mein dekhi, meri Muthhi andhyaari thi,
Ungliyon ki diwaar kahan kisi kiran se bhedi jaa rahi thi ||


Jab Khol haaton ko ujala dekha apne kareeb maine,
Band mutthi ki kismat par humne,
Ek haseen muskurahat de maari thi,
Woh raat jo Chaand ke saath Guzaari thi,
Woh humaare kai dino se bhi Ujiyaari thi ||

~ Lutarai

"Absolute Truth"

Today morning when I was walking in the park trying to find some fresh air in this Polluted world, I met some one. A simple Gentleman but extraordinarily calm. I looked at his face and had a sensation of relief. I thought I should talk to him, may be it was going to be a good start.

I said a hello and went ahead in a very casual but cordial manner. We started talking and its not everything that i can remember. But i do remember what he said about "Truth".

Somewhere in the conversation I must have resorted to the basic questions that conflagrates my mind. Why I am doing? what I am doing? What is it that is absolute truth?

This man was a big fan of Albert Einstein, He said "There may not be an "absolute truth", but I can define your "truth" and to great extent reflect on what & why that you have raised."
I said "fine go ahead."

He asked me a question "Sun rises in the east is a universal truth, yes or no?"
I remembered my school days class IX English Grammar Classes, example of simple perfect tense that is used for universal truths, 'Sun rises in the east'. I said "yes".

Man: "Do you think this, 'Sun rises in the east' is an absolute truth?"
Me: "yes, it is a universal truth for God's sake!"

Man: What would you have said if you were born before Galileo or Copernicus, would you have said that Sun is stationary and earth is revolving?
Me: "yes, because it is."

Man:Then why do you think Galileo was commuted to house arrest, which he remained under for the rest of his life after he talked about heliocentrism?

I did not have a clear cut answer but I said that it was because it was against the faith of the people then and people did not believe his truth.
Hes said, Yes, but was it truth?
I was sure now "Yes it was"

Man: That time it was "truth" for Galileo and Copernicus and "lie" for rest of the world. Today it is a universal truth again.

I was listening to him.

Man:

The fact of the matter is there may never be existence of an absolute truth, but yes My truth as you may perceive comes from my "CONVICTION", and my acts are the expressions of my truth. So probably what matters the most is what is my conviction and how do i achieve it. Definitely I have a value system which i get from my family and environment which creates the basic foundation of my belief system and after that I have my own method of finding and gathering and then validating, evaluating and approving facts as it seems to me.

My conviction is an outcome of my personality, my knowledge, my experience and most importantly my Bias.

Thus my truth is an Outcome of my personality, my knowledge, my experience and most importantly my bias and as my actions are expressions of my truth, we must emanate the philosophy further.

So i guess now you may be able to understand what & why of your question.

There is one thing I would like to add which is I guess beyond the scope of discussion but nonetheless important.
Its the fact that what ever we do is our truth and we never do something that is wrong as per ourselves, but we have also experienced in life the reality of my truth floundering me and me stabbing it to death for a good reason. So, I should always be open for discussion, deliberation and verifications of my own facts that have given me CONVICTION and should learn to forgive myself and others for their methods may have caused the mistake to arise.

"May the sun always rise in the east" but till someone questions my conviction of this fact.

~ Lutarai

12.10.2011

muddatte khaak thi zindgi,
tinka-e-inayat ho gayee|
khwaabon mein jo socha nahi,
aisi hi kuch halat ho gayee ||

Tarana hai jo likha hai, kabhi gun guna lo toh shikwa na hoga,
Magar jo maan kar sach humse shikaayat ki,
Toh daleelon mein hum na honge, humara dil khula na hoga.


Aaj hum hain toh hum se raushan ye jahan hai |
Kal hum ho ya nahi kaun jaanta hai ||
Abhi is waqt jo kaha hai usse maan lo |
Kal humaari baaton ko yaad kar kaun maanta hai ||


~ Lutarai

Ek Mukkammal Jahan

Hume dekh kar koi yun hi keh gaya,
Aye mohabbat ke maare koi rang toh la,
Kab tak yun hi tarpega,
Koi ho tere sang, toh bata,

Main sun kar muskaya,
Bas tera khayal hi tha aaya,
Phir socha ki tu hi hai sarmaya,
Toh ye ehsaas pehle kyun nahi aaya,

Ke tu hai meri har saans mein,
Tujhe mehsus karne ki mohlat hi nahi,
Tere pyaar mein is kadar dooba hoon,
Ki ubharne ki fursat hi nahi |

Main kaun hoon? Main kya tha?
Tere maathe par ek bind, Tere naam ka ek 'aa'
Tu mera hai, aur tere zulf ke saaye hain,
Teri baahon mein ab mukammal hai mera Jahan.

~ Lutarai

Pyaar ka ye kissa

Kal hua ek haadsaa jab dil ko samjhaya tha, tu hi apna, tu hi hum saya, aur kabhi phir tu hi paraya tha:

Pyaar ka ek kissa, Jo samjhana na aaya,
Kabhi roothana na aaya, Kabhi manana na aaya,
Teri bholi si aankhon mein koi bahana na aaya,
Mere shareer zubaan par bhi, koi fasana na aaya ||

Mujhe chupana na aaya, tujhe dikhana na aaya,
Sab keh kar bhi, kuch bhi batana na aaya,
Sab sun kar bhi, kuch bhi sunana na aaya,
Pyaar ka ek maasoom sa kissa, jo samjhana na aaya ||

Tujhe roothna na aaya aur mujhe manana na aaya ||

~ Lutarai

Kuch Sawal Jo Aaye The

Aaj din khud ko kamzor mehsus kiya, Laga kuch hai jo khaali hai, bharne ki chahat mein, par kyun?


Kya yeh jagah khaali hai?
Kya koi humaare paas nahi?
Kya humko ye ehsaas nahi?
Kya hai sach yehi?


Kyun aisi koi talash nahi?
Kyun aisi koi pyaas nahi?


Kyun dil machalne se darta hai?
Kyun phir pighalne se darta hai?


Kyun paas ho kar bhi paas nahi?
Kyun saath ho kar bhi ek aas nahi?


Kyun har nagma suroori hai?
Kyun milna bhi zaroori hai?


Kyun sambhalna seekha tha?
Kyun meethe mein bhi kuch feeka tha?


Kyun mehfil mein sannata hai?
Kyun husn chor kar jata hai?


Kya teeri peer nahi samjhi?
Kya dard mera sarmaya hai?
Kyun har sune pal mein
Yaad tu hi bas aaya hai?


~ Lutarai

Tujhe hi Hasaane ko

Aaj mere dil par lage har daag ko koi pasand kare |
Ke maine becha hai apni bhavnaon ke khazaan ko ||

Ek chota sa Zashn manane ko, khud ko bhool jaane ko |
Tujhe yaad na aane ko, teri yaad mein na doob jaane ko ||

Becha hai aaj maine, ki bheegne se dar lagta hai |
Sab jaante hue bhi ek baar khud ko samjhane ko ||

Jaante hain hum, na kabhi aisa hoga jo aaj hua hai |
tujh par humne hans diya hai, tujhe hi hasane ko ||

~ Lutarai

Aaj ek sukoon hai

Aaj ek sukoon hai ki tum paas na ho kar bhi paas ho,

Aaj ek sukoon hai ki tum har pal ek ehsaas ho,

Aaj ek sukoon hai ki tum na bhujh saki ek pyaas ho,

Aaj ek sukoon hai ki tum yahin ho, har nazm mein mere alfaaz ho.

Tum har waqt in saanson mein zindgi ka aagaaz ho,

Tum beh chuke ashfaqon mein muflisi ka raaz ho,

Tum ek mulaqat mein sadiyon ki yaad ho,

Tum khili dhoop mein masoom si barsaat ho,

Jashn-e-mohabbat tum mere har rom ki zordaar aawaz ho,

Honge bahut dilruba tum zahan mein sabse khaas ho,

Main hoon yunhi kyunki tum aaj bhi meri humraaz ho.

Katra ek khoon jo aaj baha hai,

Toh mujhe ye mehsus hua,

Ke dil ke daagon mein koi Zakhm toh tha,

Warna dariya sa behte is Ghaav ko kabhi pehchana hi nahi...

Jo lut gaye tere naam par toh mashhoor ho gaye hum,

Aaj ye sochte hain ki pyaar ko kabhi Jaana hi nahi...

~ Lutarai

For Life Needed a Reason and I found you

I have been thinking:

Each time we talk about our lost love, a sadness coverts the face. Each time I think of what could have been, makes me cry. Each time i think of it my face becomes gloomy.

But, was it the reason i loved? Was it love if it always gave me pain?

I want to realise today, it was Love, coz it was beautiful, coz it was something I never had and may be never have again. It was special coz it made my life.

I want to make a promise, I shall never think of it and allow the clouds conceal the sunshine that u have filled in me by ur mere presence, even if it was short-lived. I shall be thankful for you taught me to love and today I know what love is for I have known you.

I will not say a thanks and disregard you rather I would say I am happy and I miss you (a lot)... :)

~ Lutarai

I am with Anna but not with Jan Lok Pal

The true form of democracy endeavors for equality of power and opportunity, Social justice and decentralization of power. In true democracy, as defined in Indian context, it tends to bring Government as a Service provider to the Citizens.

The fundamental rights defined in Constitution of India, truly protects the essence of democracy by assuring justice to such freedoms given to “The People”. The running of the country is a mammoth task performed within the ambit of law, freedom, justice and equality. (I am not talking about the religion as all religions are well protected by the Constitution) Such task is performed by the citizen themselves. They pledge to be true to their duties and responsibility. The system provides for the lacunas that might exist, but we all know that the system is not full proof and there exists unattended issues. There exists areas of concern and there exists incompetence and there exist inequality and abuse of power. But who does it? Government? Is Government different from its citizen? Is the Government against its citizen?

Answer to all these is “No”. Government might think that it is superior as it seems to her that she is running the country. But the beauty of democracy is that no government can remain in such delusion for long.

Coming to the point, “Corruption”, as I see it, is a behavioral disorder. A mindset and an escapist and evasive philosophy in life. The fact that we try to get things done for us and we do not want to put appropriate effort, we see ourselves as the most deserving but forget the fact that we in India are facing extreme shortage of resources and thus stiff competition for availing these resources. Such scarcity leads to tougher competition and an opportunity for mild adjustments in systems and procedures to my benefit.

I shall not talk about so many common situations where in we mould ways to cheat the systems and evade uncomfortable situation. In simple words "If I could evade standing in Queue by paying Rs. 100, I will do that. Even if not for me, but if my daughter would be made to stand in queue, I would ask her to pay Rs. 100 to avoid such situation." Thing that we should understand here is that we have scarcity of resources and it means I am bound to stand in queue and wait till my fellow citizen is availing the facility and only after that I will have my turn. Now if I am a person who can compare such a situation with available resources in the world, we tend to think that we deserve better. We tend to think we can pay and get an opportunity thus creating "Corruption".

It may not be as big as 2G but I have always believed that basics never change, only thing is that Impact might change. Science has taught me the fact that "F = m X a" is a small basic which can have application in small toy to the propulsion of Rockets and in all these cases, the basic remains same. Why a person in Japan is not as corrupt as we are? Answer is Japan has one National Goal and "no one in Japan puts Personal Interest above the National Interest". Here in India we consider it fine and are ready to accept and propagate it for we care for our family more than our country. (It can be considered as a simple comparison)

Now, talking about the campaign that is rolling the country. A man who is leading a campaign to teach "Compassion" to all of us, asking us to fight "Corruption", he is presenting a "Gandhian approach", He is Our leader "Shri Anna Hazare". But the Jan Lokpal bill that he is talking about cannot be passed as such. In his "Jan Lokpal Bill", Anna is being an Idealist. Somewhere there exists an assumption that the Lokpal can never be corrupt. What if he is? Is it right to vest so much of power and so little accountability on him? Do we think that the designers of our Constitution did not foresee the ill-effect such powers?

Answer is "No" again. In the design of our Constitution the true spirit of Democracy has been kept in built. There is a constant struggle between the Judiciary and Law Maker (Parliament) for the supreme power and this conflict is designed in the Constitution. The great Leaders of our struggle for freedom, those great Socialist and Economists who were a part of the Constituent assembly took this matter into consideration that "A powerful Government can abuse power and so Judicial Review exists."

The Lokpal Bill put up to the Standing Committee by the Government is truly a "Jokepal" but Civil Society's Jan Lokpal is "draconian". Too much of power vested in such Lokpal would be a parallel Government to the one elected by democratic election procedures.

I propose a democratic "National Debate" on the Lokpal Bill organized by the Government for the Civil Society to discuss the true nature of the bill that shall be acceptable to the whole country. Let this debate be held at 'Ramlila Maidan', thus Government would have shown solidarity to the cause "Against Corruption" which shall prove to be an exemplary act by any Government for the cause of "Democracy". Let the debate be chaired by the CJI and a group of Eminent leaders in the field of Social Sciences, Economics and Law.

A bill that shall emerge out of such a debate, wherein the Civil Society negotiates at the round table with equality and freedom of expression, be placed in Parliament for a Law to be created against Corruption.

"Corruption" will not end because of a Law but a Law will show the will of the Nation against corruption. This law cannot be too lenient and neither can it be too absolute.

In this fight against "Corruption" I am with Anna but with a different solution than what he proposes. In this fight against corruption, I am one who believes the true Gandhian Way would be "My pledge to abstain from any corrupt practice, to not withstand any such act practiced by anyone, to report and fight against any such act". Let this behavioral change seep in ourselves and "Let this Nationalism Rise"

Jai Hind.

~ Lutarai

Dear Daughter

Dear Daughter,

Today morning when I walked out house and a sudden gust of cold wind, in this hot summer, hit my face gently, I thought of you.

I suddenly realised that this is the feeling that I have when I see you each day. The sudden peace that drowned me and I was thinking it has been long we had a talk.

Dearest, I know I am your hero, whether you tell me or not, I want to let you know that I realise that I am your Hero but there is something that I never said. I shall say it now: "You are the best thing that I am"

I live the best in you, you may not realise this but this is true.

Each day I start my day after I have seen you, still sleeping. I check out for minor details. I look at your forehead searching for any crinkle on your head, any mark of uneasiness on your eyelids, any droop on the crease of your lips...... I find none and I subside. Today i saw a pimple i giggled with myself and consoled my heart for a moment.

I still remember the day you were born. I was scared to touch you, I might hurt you, you were almost the size of my palm, white and round, I cud hardly make out your eyebrows. I am sure I did make out your eyes though.

It thought years had sunk in a moment, you belonged to me. I gathered courage, still looking at you trying to figure out your hands, your fingers, your feet..... I gathered courage and I was confident enough to pick you up.

In my hands, I don't think i will ever be able to explain the "first touch" and the way you smiled, or may be you did not and i just assumed it. You made my life that day.

I have seen you grow, from a piece of skin to an ounce and now a big girl. I have seen you stand and fall and then cry. I remember beating the ground for being harsh on you and I remember the prize i got for that. Your eyes always said that to me. I remember going out of bounds, running around and trying to make your wish come true. You were my sweet angel. You are my sweet angel. I remember getting wet trying to buy you some chocolates coz you wanted them. I remember making you nervous while scolding you and suddenly forget my anger.

I still see you each day and feel proud about myself. But probably i never realised you are a big girl now. The process of growing was so fluxing that no change ever struck me.

Today when i looked at myself I was quite old, and i realised its been a long time. It suddenly struck me that life has taken its toil on me and I have been missing that "PRIZE".

When i come back home you are sleeping and when i leave you are still sleeping. Your eyes, they don't speak to me much now. Even though your face still does, I still miss your eyes, i miss your chirrups, i still miss your cries.....

I know i shall not be your hero forever and that will be for the best. I know how crazily i am waiting for the day when i take a loss and someone else shall replace me. I will be hurt and I will be happy, I might cry but the tears will bring peace to me.

Dearest daughter, you gave this name that I have and I shall make this name bigger than me. I may not be a hero but I shall always be the precious Character Artist in the movie of your life.

I shall always be there even if you don't see me. I shall be the wind always with you, around you and inside you for I am your father and "You are the best I am"

~ Lutarai

LOVE UNCONDITIONED

It was love at first sight.

The first time we saw each other, we just couldn't keep our eyes off one another as we

tried to take in as much as we could, and as he smiled that innocent smile of his, all I

could manage to mumble were those beautiful words, "I love you".

But today was different. He was getting married.

As everyone else was showering flowers, for the first time in my life I was afraid of

saying those very words to him.

Tears rolled down my eyes as I remembered the days when I would be the first person

to get news of the exact no. of runs made by him or how he scored that all important

goal to win the football match. And when he got his first bike, it was me who had the

honour to be the first to go on a ride with him. I was the only woman in his life.

But my envious heart was betraying me as I saw him glancing furtively at the girl sitting

next to him who would soon be known as his wife.

From being the priority in his life I had become only an option now.

"Oh! How lucky she is!"

I saw him making the seven promises around the sacrosanct fire and exchanging vows;

he was more handsome than ever.

Finally it was over. Whatever little hopes my heart had harboured were dashed.

As they both came forward to touch my feet, I blessed them. And my son said, "Ma! I

love you"

As I hugged him, all I could manage to mumble were those beautiful words, "I love you

too".

~ Rudra

Batch of 2007

A Strange Morning

I remember that day. I walked out of my house early morning. It was the month of July, hot, humid, but yes early in the morning it was definitely pleasant. Bright morning, as the day also turned out to be hot, especially for me. Took a bus and was to visit this place. (I shall not define this place). I felt asleep in the bus, not because i was tired nor that i did not have a good sleep at night, but i slept in this bus.

I saw this guy, he was injured, I guess. I thought he was doing well till i analysed him thoroughly. He was carrying a few files in a plastic, he had one hand, or may be two, no i guess one of his arms was amputated, no it was there tied to his chest. Yes it was there tied to his chest and i cud see his palm near his neck when he waved it to me. He knew what was going on in my mind.

He was in ..... hospital ??? What !! I thought i was in bus, how am i in hospital ???

Okay fine I am looking at him and he is in hospital, but he is calm, his eyes are stable, his voice is strong and sharp, he looks confident. (Is he in hospital??? I asked myself now) He had comfortably placed his left hand inside his shirt and was smiling at me. I did not want to offend him so i took off my eyes.

He could not see me anymore and I was following him all this time when he was moving around in the hospital from doctors to the clinical lab to the x-ray dispatch to canteen to outside hospital.

"What ! he is outside hospital?? What is he doing here?? The doctor told him to meet him with the reports... okay lets see"

He was a bit nervous now. But why was he nervous now? May be he was worried about the results of the reports. A red swift car came and there was this lean girl in red top. I don't think i really remember that or I do. Yes it was a red swift, a lean girl, fair indeed and in red top and a blue jean capris. Now i knew why he was nervous.

He went ahead, a few steps and then stopped, waited for some time and then took another step forward, pressed the rear door open put the plastic in his hand at the back seat, closed the door and moved to the seat right next to the diver, the girl. I could not believe it, but i guess i had no choice. He could not see me while all this time i was looking at him. They did not know it but i was there in the car. It was absurd for me. Am i dead??

"Hi, how have you been?" he said. "Fine, how are you doing? I cannot stand hospitals, its really difficult for me." She responded. Was he nervous because of this!!

"I know it and its fine" he said with a calm voice. No he is not the person who gets nervous for such petty issues. He does not look nervous now, he is composed and smiling again. Was he ever nervous. Yes definitely he was, i saw the shrill in his movement while he was waiting for the car to come. I saw his eyes were unsteady. He was nervous but why, and now he is not, what is happening???? I was confused.

We three, two for them because i was not visible to them and i was confident about that now, went to CCD. This guy has not failed to surprise me since morning. Coffee!! (God he had to be there in hospital with syrups and doctor)

Gosh!! Okay, suddenly he got nervous again. In his nervousness he spilled the milk all over himself. He realised that and suddenly was calm again. His eyes were saying, I cannot be bad, nothing can make me less than what I am. Nothing shall lead to incapacitate me. He was looking at the girl and was saying with his eyes "You are really beautiful and its getting difficult for me to hold myself". I saw the girl, and i knew she understood nothing. She was sitting there with almost nothing to say and this did not look vocal to me. I liked his eyes they spoke everything and I knew he was not nervous because he had known that Nothing could incapacitate him and she would not understand anything.

The coffee was over and they went back to the place where she picked him up. He got down took his plastic and said a "bye" to her. Car moved away and he turned around took firm steps towards the doctors hall.

Here, ticket... Saheb kya hua??

I was shaken back to life by the bus conductor. Oh!! I was sleeping, started dreaming, god its funny sometimes I can finish a few movies in a nap of 20 minutes. I hope that guy is doing well.

~ Lutarai

A Catalyst - "As it has always been"

How many times have I seen a catalyst and never acknowledged its life.

On a day when I see each element of life trying to react with another and unable to do so, I see a catalyst which breaks itself and rejoins keeping its original structure the same, to help two elements of life give an origin to a new compound.

Each time a catalyst enters such a reaction, catalyst knows it shall come out with no benefit for it, not even a small change in its own life. It still undertakes the assignment for the elements of life needs it, for the creation of something that can change the identity of both the elements, shall only be formed on the body of a catalyst.

Each time it attaches itself to one of them (the elements), it knows it will be left alone in the end. No matter what it does or not, nothing in its life is going to change. It knows, even when without him the substitution, replacement, combination... is not going to start, it bears no importance in the life of the compound or that of the elements of life.

It definitely takes a lot of courage to enter into an event knowing you will get attached, affinity shall be generated, you will see a part (as attached) of you leaving you for someone else and you will die for a moment. But you will, as you have to, come out as you were at the beginning.

As I realise this each day when I see catalysts around, I really want to stand by their side and say, "You did a great Job, I could never do so."

~ Lutarai (17/06/2011)

Right To Education - "On a Teacher's Day"

Summer days are long. But the days are not as long, I think summer is almost over and as soon as this thought crossed my mind I could actually see some clouds hovering in the sky, floating and manoeuvring with the help of wind. Yes there is a little breeze blowing here. The day is not as long as I assumed it to be.

It was start of September, late monsoons to a retreating monsoon in India, pouring rains in most of the thirsty lands, and over pouring at some. Not flood here, not too much of rain, Delhi is not a place blessed much with the real beauty of rains if I compare it with the places I have been and places which have been with me. It was not surprising that I thought it to be a summer day.

On this day I woke up the usual eightish, thanked god for giving me another day, I thank him each day for the life he has given me. I know I am lucky to have this life because life has been so beautiful. I did the usual three t's; the tea, toilet and toothbrush combo. I had a plan for the day. I was to go to school. On a Saturday morning when I open my eyes there are two things which are delightful; first, Its an Office Off and second, its a day for me.

So I had a plan to go to this school, nothing disciplinary but rather a pleasure. These kids form the Underprivileged part of the beautiful society that I am an eminent part of. Each time I see them I know life is beautiful, not because of the things I have, but because of the things I don't have, because of things that I can have, things that I aspire to have, things that are there and do not belong to me. Each time I see them, I see life bigger than it is. What probably has been the most satisfying combination for me is life with kids and learning - Education, as an Institute of Life.

This NGO run school "Apna Ghar" provides education to these underprivileged kids from the neighbouring area. Kids who are the future of the nation and if I become broader, the future of life. These kids are provided food by "Sai Temple" nearby. The school not only takes care of the Institutional requirements of the Educational organisation but also provides with support in field of overall personality development of the kids by being a part of their life, solving their family issues and orgainising vocational trainings and personality development modules for the Kids and their family member and the teachers.

Oh now, It was 5th September and I had a plan to celebrate my Teacher's Day with this very special student and teacher group. These teachers they stay in the school itself and as far as I have seen, this school and these kids form the real part of their life. I wanted to be a part of this celebration.

I took out my car, i like to call her my wife, she is not very pretty, but still very beautiful to me. She has been kind and somber and right beside me at all time since we got married. I have always felt safe with her. So I made a move, reached to the 1st red light where I saw another stunner. Its not surprising, but yes its new to me each time I see it. Beautiful gal, wearing torn cloths, dirt all around her clothes and enshrouding her innocence and seraphic self. But her eyes were not covered by anything, 111 seconds was my wait time, and she came up to me asking for something, anything that I could give. I looked into her eyes, shiver and I was perspiring. I said sorry to myself before I spoke to her "I have nothing to offer".

She scratched on my car and moved on to the next car.

111 seconds later I was again on road with my wife, she sings well and that is my favorite part. I reached to this school. Small kids wearing Saree, what did i see Saree?? Okay it was a trend in my school as well. On a Teacher's Day you get to be a Teacher of your choice. She was a science teacher today. The school was almost over and this was what I came for. Just before the prayers and lunch that is served after the Prayer, I had my twenty minutes with these kids.

Did I want to show off or I was just being a normal human being. I wanted to share my knowledge with these kids.

So i started;

Kids what day is it today?

Teacher's Day. (Enthusiastic and loud)

Hmmm. So why is it that its celebrated today?

Birthday of Dr. Sarvepalli Radhakrishnan. (God, they knew the full name. Good!!)

So what is so special about Dr. Sarvepalli Radhakrishnan?

2nd President of India and a Teacher himself. (I was thinking now that they know it all)

So why is a Teacher Important?

Various answers...... (here i come) because they give us knowledge (Shiksha), (Yes, i did it.)

Shiksha se kya hota hai? (What does knowledge bring to us?)

Navin Pandey: Shiksha se Desh Mahan hota hai (Knowledge and education brings greatness to my Country.)

I was standing there stunned for a moment. Awed, mesmerised, struck by lightening. Check again, what is your name son, which class you are in?

"Navin Pandey, class II"

Could you repeat what you said.

"Shiksha se Desh Mahan hota hai"

I had a pilot pen in my pocket, we get them in our office. I gave him that and i repeated "Shiksha se Desh Mahan hota hai". God, I came here to learn.

While going back, when at the red light, that gal came to me again, I looked into her eyes. I was not ashamed of myself, I was not scared I said "Padhegi, Main tera admission karunga, yahin paas mein ek school hai" (Will you study, I will get you admitted, there is a school near by) I had something to give to her, thanks to Navin.

The gal looked at me again, scratched my car, and moved to the next car.

~ Lutarai

Shades in a Day

When she called me from behind, I was half asleep and I almost knew she is not mine. I still stood there and waited for sometime just to realise that the fact was true. But it still felt the best without a doubt. (What a start for the day!)

At 10:00 am standing near the office under a tree, I saw black soot rising in the sky meters away from me. I was inquisitive and made a move towards that place just to see "A bike lying on the road" i cannot say surely if it was a Pulsar, and I don't think I anyone could see its color.

This bike was on fire with the flames rising and the soot flying high in the sky. People gathered around, like me, and a few of them were throwing water and sand on the flames.

Heard people saying "He broke his feet" "He might not survive at all" "How in the world he went on to strike a pushcart" "He flew a few meters before landing on the road"

I don't know him, I wanted to see and be assured by someone that he lived and that he is fine but i know that he did not belong to me. I waited there for sometime and just to realise that the fact stayed. But I felt sad about it.

Two hours in a day proved to be vacillating between Life and Death. How I wonder each day that this life is a mystery.

~ Lutarai

In Memory of Her

Ten days ago when at the age of 48, she complained of recurrent fever and uneasiness, we never thought that it could be big. She took medicines and care but it was not fine anymore. Things became worse when she had to get admitted in hospital with complains of stomach ache and uneasiness. She was in ICU for 5 days and all this time there were many tests, many samples of blood declared bad, samples taken again. Medicines, antibiotics given along with saline. Probably we could never understand what was happening. 

Doctors had no idea and suddenly they referred her to Hospital in Allahabad. No bed at the first instance, then precious time lost and then admitted in ICU again, we kept asking what has happened without getting any response. I saw each drop of her blood becoming more precious as they were getting replaced with saline. Each drop for various tests, body filled with antibiotics and medicines, it was now swelling. Her body kept swelling and the Doctors had no idea, someone said she had Diabetes, but we never knew that, some said infection, but no one was sure. Tests, scans, she asked us to take her out of there, but we waited for the doctor.

Finally doctor said she must be taken to Lucknow. 

We never thought it was too late, but then, suddenly everything in this world went wrong. Ambulance not available, doctors not available, people not knowing how to carry her. Now we probably knew it was late. We lost her on our way to Lucknow. We have been crying since then. We have been thinking, we could have done something. What were the doctors doing? What else could have been done? What has happened?

Where has she gone? With tears falling from my eyes and my vision blurred as I could not see anything but her face and everything she has given to me since I was born. All the memories and with each memory the truth that it might never happen again. Where has she gone? She has left me. The mother who always remained the best friend, the most caring person, feeding me, playing with me, talking to me, listening to all my problem and all this time standing by me and still doing justice to all roles defined by her position.

Standing with me, my dad, my brothers, her colleagues, her friends, the society, her parents and siblings. Where has she gone?

We cried, but now I know that she is always there. She will guide when we need, she will still listen to us when we need, she will lead us to happiness and calmness every time we need. Its just that she is tired and she needs rest.

Life did take its toil out of her, probably she was tired and she needed rest. We cannot forgive her for taking leave so early, but we always understand that she should rest now and that its our responsibility to not disturb her much. She will be missed, her place will always be empty. Nothing can replace it. But we assure you that we shall live the best, the way it would have been as if you were there.

I know you are around and I know you miss being with us as much as we do, but we learn to live without you because that what you want. Please take rest, you are free from all the pain and misery of life. We hope life gave you everything you could have asked for and assure you that you will have peace.

We loved you and I know you loved us.

We are always together, physically not visible but you will still guide us all from morning till we sleep each day.

With Love

~ Lutarai

Obituary written for Mother of my dearest friend on her behalf. The lady left us on 17.08.2011. Pray for peace.